When I woke up, all of my skin had returned, though I was covered in thick white scars that burned. Dale stood over me, and I had again found myself on the same table. The blood had disappeared from the room, so I was fairly certain that all my parts were back in order.
I grabbed a canister of healing spay from Wally and practically showered in it, sighing with relief as my pain was reduced to a minor itch.
My second “nap” had lasted three hours, and in that time Dale had adapted to his collar quickly. Dale stood beside me, waving his arms excitedly as he described his first trial flight with a collar.
He finished and stood panting the middle of the room, his eyes glowing. “Flying is neat,” he decided at last. “I think I could look everywhere at once.”
“A feat he attempted before I convinced him to stop by jumping in front of him,” Wally said. “The clap we made was loud enough to bust the windows and eardrums of everybody on the lower east side, but it was better than the buildings catching on fire from Dale’s heat trail. I had to stop him after he set four buildings on fire, and the only reason that I was able to get in front of him—”
“Was because he circled every block,” I said. “I could have figured that out from his driving. So he’s faster than Wallace?”
“I’m faster than Wallace now, because we’re using mark twelve collars. Wallace is still using that silly beta-level watch that Duggan made for him.”
“Who single-handedly saved the planet from a hording mass of flesh-eating aliens before they got to the planet?”
“Wallace did,” Wally conceded.
“Him and that silly beta-level watch,” I said. “Dale, fly me to my apartment. I need to get dressed, and then Wally and I are taking you out for pizza to reward you for doing a good job today.”
Dale pouted, looking guilty. “But Terry—”
“No Dale, you forget about those four people. You saved eleven folks from certain death. You remember that, okay?” I requested. “And stop moping. As the sidekick, you have to provide a spunky charm to offset my tormented brooding. Otherwise this team thing isn’t going to work out.”
“So…are you always this morbid?” Dale asked.
Groaning, I punched his arm. “Home, Dale,” I commanded.
We made it to my apartment in a little under a minute. Instead of flying blocks, Dale listened to me as I gave directions.
It also helped that my sense of direction had come back once I was returned to the right orientation. The feeling of being able to fly again was exhilarating, and suddenly the idea of being a hero didn’t seem that bad.
I unlocked my door using an ice key and made a mental note to get new keys from the manager when the office opened the next day. Getting dressed in some jeans and a grey sweatshirt, I pulled down a few hundred dollar bills from my stack in the closet.
I keep a half a million in loose bills on the upper shelf of my closet for mad money. Sometimes I spend it, and sometimes I fill my tub with it and roll around naked in it for hours on end.
Sorry, that was probably TMI.
I arrived in the living room to find Dale looking upset. I went to him and asked what was wrong, but it took nearly five minutes before he could stammer a response.
“I just realized you were naked in the computer shop.”
“So what?” I smiled. “All the good part were taken out.”
Dale looked at me blankly for a moment, then he snickered.
His expression became embarrassed, and he coughed. “Well, but I was watching you after you healed too.”
I nodded at this revelation, smacked his arm, and then declared, “Okay, so now we’re even.”
Dale smiled, but still looked embarrassed. “Also, I was wondering if we could come up with a different way for you to ride me. I don’t feel right with your chest pressed into my back.”
I looked up in thought, truly giving time to several potential flying positions. “Well there only two other ways that I would be willing to fly. You could cradle me in your arms, or you could fly upside down and I can lay with my back to your stomach.”
“It sounds complicated,” Dale said.
Shaking my head, I stood up and walked over to Dale, leaning against him. “All you have to do is shift me around once we get in the air, and then you can hold my waist to keep me from falling.”
“Can we try it?” Dale asked.
“Sure. After that, we’ll swing by to pick up Wally.”
“I like him. He’s silly.”
“That’s good,” I said as I locked the door using another ice key. “He’s our teammate and the team leader, so you listen to him when he says to do something.”
“Okay.”
That flight was one of the most magical moments in my life. Dale flew high into the cloudless night sky, past the light pollution and smog to give us the most beautiful view of the heavens above.
So of course, I had to spoil a great moment.
Yeah, I was the one who suddenly had a brilliant idea for once.
I tapped Dale’s arm and rolled over to look at him. “Dale, have you ever been on a roller coaster?”
“Uh, yeah, but that was a long time ago.”
“Do you think you could fly like one?”
“Maybe, but you would have to get on my back for that.” Dale rolled over and I shifted onto his back at the same time, getting a good grip around his neck. “Comfy?”
“Yep. Just go crazy,” I instructed.
I’ll bet you’re thinking that was the place where I made my mistake, but it wasn’t. Dale had apparently been on at least one truly fantastic roller coaster, because he went through so many loops, dives, and spins that Tommy’s best crazy flight paled in comparison.
“Like that?” Dale asked, slowing down so I could stop laughing.
“Yes, but go faster! Go up high so that your heat trail doesn’t set anything on fire.”
“But what about you? Won’t you catch on fire?”
“No,” I said and laughed. “I can walk on the sun if I could breath the air there. I had plasma applied to my chest as part of a endurance test from Dad, and it tickled.”
“Oh, okay,” Dale said.
He flew straight up so fast that my brains met my toenails for the first time. They met a second and third time before my brain decided to move in with my toenails.
Now I’ve been on a few super powered flights before. I’m no novice when it comes to high G maneuvers, and I thought I knew fast.
But Dale had this down to a science. I finally understood what Wally had meant about the technology being limited by the wearer. Dale would need to be told he couldn’t do something before he would believe it, and he apparently believed he could race sunlight.
My grip loosened because we kept getting higher in the atmosphere. The faster Dale went, the more room he needed to turn, and I looked down to count two oceans and one polar cap in our flight pattern every nine seconds.
It was the altitude that made me dumber than Dale, and what was loosening my grip. Dale had on a collar, so he could have flown into space. Well, I could too using Dale as a re-breather, but I didn’t even think about oxygen deprivation.
So I let go of Dale and slipped off of his back.
Worried? Nope, not one little bit.
I used to do the same thing with Tommy intentionally, and I had faith in Dale that he would be coming around to catch me. I closed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, beginning a count in my head.
It took a full minute before I felt his arms around me, and I opened my eyes.
Smiling, I shook my head. “That was way too long. What happened?”
“I wasn’t sure how to catch you without getting slapped,” Dale said.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, feeling a bit confused.
“Terry, how fast did you think we were going?”
“I’m not sure, but it was pretty fast.”
“You’ve burned all of your clothing off,” Dale said in a low voice, a blush turning his checks a deep crimson.
I looked down and wondered why I hadn’t notice losing my clothes. The problem puzzled me until we were almost back to my apartment, when my body started tingling.
I had been deprived of oxygen to the point where my body had gone numb. I never noticed my clothes burning off, so they were now nothing more than a lonely trail of ash somewhere in the stratosphere.
When I let go of Dale, I was high enough to create a heat trail of my own. I had my eyes closed the entire time, so I missed that.
At first I tried to be upset about losing another set of clothes, but I was kind of enchanted with the idea that I got to be a meteorite for forty-eight, point two seconds.
Not many people can say they’ve done that on their summer vacation.
Moving along, we finally met Wally at his shop, and he started chuckling at us the moment we got into the air.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“I don’t think Dale is comfortable with his position,” Wally observed.
I looked up, noting that Dale was still blushing over seeing me naked again.
That’s when it occurred to me that Dale was like a stupid big brother to me. He looked just as embarrassed as Tommy was the time he saw me get out of the shower when I was nine.
Dale just wanted to be my friend, but I adopted him into my unofficial family right then and there.
I looked at Wally and shook my head. “Dale is just embarrassed at having seen my unmentionables—”
“Were any of them worth mentioning?”
I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, he chose this position.” I interlaced my fingers behind my head. “Besides, I kind of like looking at the stars.”
“That’s nice, but we really should be patrolling,” Wally said.
“Wally, we just formed the team. Let’s take one night off to decide how all of this is going to work out. Vicky told me you’ve only made three busts so far, so taking a night off won’t kill you,” I assured him.
“Well, I should be honest,” Wally said. “I think you should be the leader. Your training seems to make you better at finding crime, and once we’ve found the bad guys, I can focus on what I do best.”
“Which is?”
“Fighting,” Wally said. “I’ve got a black belt in kempou and a brown belt jiu jitsu.”
“I’ve got this little red leather belt that goes great with everything I own,” I said sarcastically.
Dale said, “I’ve got a utility belt.”
“Yeah, about that. How does a guy like you get high tech gear like that?” I asked.
“I shop at the Spy Store,” Dale said. “My dad helped me with the car. He’s the lead mechanic for the police department, so he linked my car to a satellite tracking system that’s hooked up to a remote. I can drive my car using my watch or have it come to me using GPS and onboard sensors.”
“He did all of that on a cop’s salary?” I asked.
“No, but, uh…my mom is Miss Lizzy,” Dale said, looking awkward as soon as I turned my head to look at him.
I could only stare at him for several second before I shook my head. “Dale, she’s only the most famous super model on the planet.”
“Yeah, but I try not to think of my mom as hot, even if people tell me she is,” Dale mumbled.
“She was the City Honey of the month for three straight years,” Wally said and chuckled at Dale’s grimace. “So she paid for you to be a hero?”
“Yeah. Dad says I got my brains from her, so he doesn’t think I should be a hero. He got me all this gear to keep me safe, but I won’t need it with this collar.”
“Keep the utility belt,” I advised. “You never know when something like that might come in handy.”
“I am losing the costume,” Dale said.
“You decided you didn’t want to be sued for trademark infringing the trademark?” I asked.
“No, I picked up a couple of kids today, and they all told me that they read about me in the paper. But they thought I looked cooler in the jeans and sweatshirt I was wearing in my photo than in my real costume. One girl told me my costume sucked a rotten egg.”
“The fashion police have spoken on the matter,” I said and snorted. “So I think our costumes will be whatever we decide to wear on any given day.”
Wally chuckled. “Now that we’ve got that important decision out of the way, what will we name the team?”
Noting his impish grin, I asked, “What are you thinking?”
“I was considering the Wannabes.”
“Dale is officially recognized as a hero by the local media, and so are you. I’m the one who has problems dropping buildings on unsuspecting orphaned pets.”
“You are pretty morbid, you know that?” Wally said. “What would you call us?”
“Why should it matter?” I asked. “We don’t fight using superhero names, so why do we need a team name?”
“It could be a rally cry in battle,” Dale offered.
“Fine, we can be the Retards,” I said curtly. “So we can assemble under the cry ‘hey Retards, get over here!’”
“Wally is retarded too?” Dale asked with surprise. “I thought it was just you and me.”
“You think I’m retarded?” I asked, rolling over to glare at Dale.
“Not in the head like me,” Dale whimpered, flinching as he waited to get hit.
“Oh, I get it,” Wally said, snapping his fingers. “He means your growth has been retarded. So, in a way you really are—”
“If you finish that sentence, I will wait for you to take that collar off, and I will test your healing factor along with your threshold for pain,” I promised with a menacing tone of voice.
“Yeah, I guess she really is always this morbid,” Wally said and Dale sighed heavily, giving a small nod.
“That’s it!” I got up to leap off of Dale.
I was intending to grab Wally and throttle him, but he flew out of my grasp, waving at me as I plummeted. Both of them dove a moment later, and they flew alongside me.
“Well?” I asked.
“Well what?” Wally wondered wittily while we were whistling at the ground far faster than I can think of words that begin with W…sorry.
“One of you is going to catch me soon, right?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Wally said. “I’ve got a helping of pain coming for making fun of you, and you stepped on Dale’s nuts when you tried to attack me.”
“Did I? Good. Now could someone please catch me before I ruin another set of clothes?”
“Who should it be?” Wally asked and tapped his chin thoughtfully while looking in the direction that would normally be up.
We fell between two skyscrapers, and I looked at Dale hopelessly. “Please catch me now,” I whimpered.
“I’m sorry for calling you a retard,” Dale said before he closed his arms around me.
“It’s okay,” I muttered. “I understand what you meant.”
So that was how our unofficial team name became the Retards.
... I write dark fiction in a variety of genres. My blog contains my rants and rambles, and some short fiction that can only be found here.
I can be pretty fucking offensive, so viewer discretion is advised.
Oh my there is just so much to love about the comedy in this chapter (and no trade marked ‘poor terry’ this time either).
And Dale is insanely fast it sounds like, and it’s a good thing that Terry has a high threshold for pain or she would have been screaming. Still sounded like lots of fun though. Poor Dale (first one) though had to find a nice way to catch Terry or get slapped silly. Nice that he is all brotherly on her, maybe that will help Terry calm down some.
Wally is just asking for a bruising at this rate, don’t tease the immortal ice queen if you know what’s good for you. Or at least not to much teasing. Nice team name too. Go Retards!!!
Thanks! Glad you’re enjoying the story so much! ^_^
Terry was screaming, technically, but she was screaming laughter. =^D
Hee hee!
So numb you don’t notice your clothes burning off…
And “The Retards” is a great name.
That’s the unofficial name. The press later gives them an official name, but it’s escaping me right now.
Glad you’re enjoying the story so far. ^_^