The little orange cat is gone…

Zeus has been my part-time therapist since my arrival in Italy. Whenever I got mad or upset about something, I went to look for Zeus and cuddle with him until I could calm down. A golden blond long-hair with yellow eyes, he was so adorable that company fell in love with him the moment they saw him. So it was easy for me to be proud of him. He was my best friend and my “kidden.”

During this spring, Zeus developed a raw spot in his skin, and it wouldn’t heal. He licked at it so much, we were forced to put a collar on him after he opened a hole in his side and bled all over the living room. Sometime during the first night with the collar, Zeus tried to jump off of a tall wardrobe in my room and landed badly, bruising his shoulder. As soon as we’d taken the collar off, I also noticed how the right side of his face was swollen.

We took him to the emergency vet, and they gave him antibiotics. But he lost interest in his food, and he started shedding weight fast. We had company this weekend, and I’d explained how rapid this decline was. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t think it was this serious.

Yesterday, we took our guest to the train station, and I came home alone while hubby went to work. I noticed Zeus was laying in the bathroom, not his usual spot. I petted him and he didn’t react at all. Still, I let him be and went to the kitchen to make tea. Zeus tried to follow me, and he was staggering. I called hubby and said that Zeus was getting worse. Hubby said to keep watching him and call him back.

Roughly half an hour passed before I did. I’d set out tuna and water for Zeus on the balcony, and I sat right next to him, in case I needed to call. He got up to drink water, and then he just tumbled over the bowl. It was like his head became too heavy for the rest of his body. He looked scared, and his eyes were dilated. I called hubby, bawling as I explained how bad things were getting.

Hubby was just getting home from work when Zeus started waving his paws like he was trying to run on his side. I stayed with him, dialing the phone with one hand while I petted my cat and whimpered that I was there for him. Hubby arrived just in time to see Zeus take his last breath. He was gone before hubby could get him in the carrier. But hubby didn’t want to give up, so they went to the vet.

I stayed home and cried. Roughly ten minutes later, hubby called to confirm what I already knew. Zeus was gone.

Thoughts of death have been on my mind a lot, but it’s because I thought Carlotta would be taking a turn for the worse soon. She’s developing more lumps on her chest, and she’s sick every single day. Zeus was younger than her by several years, and he always looked so healthy and full of life. Right up to his last few days, he was our wild child. The spirit of his inner kitten would take him, and he would race around the house, suddenly eager to play.

And today he’s gone.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do without my fuzzy therapist keeping me calm. I already miss giving him rides through the house on my shoulders; turning my head to listen to his purr and rub my cheek against his soft side. Already I miss how he came to check up on me if I started “angry typing” too loudly. And who else is going to tell me to take a writing break in the middle of the day?

I’m trying to keep calm by reminding myself how I was there for him at the end. He had a good long life, and he wanted for nothing. But right now, there’s this greedy pain that would have liked just a little bit more time.

Good-bye, Zeus.