Thanks for the advice. Now move on!

I’ve just about stopped going to the blogs of certain writers and editors, not because their advice is bad, but more because they don’t talk about anything else, ever. They just find new ways to say the same things ad nauseum. A fitting choice of words, (even if one of them isn’t real) since I’m pretty much sick and tired of reading the same advice week in and week out.

With editors, I can understand why they end up harping on these same things so often. They see the same mistakes over and over, so they feel the need to reinforce the same message to any writers who may be reading their blog.

But you know what? Editors, after reading your backlog, there’s no reason to come back. You don’t talk about projects you’re editing that get you hot and bothered. You don’t point to examples of great dialogue that work for you. You don’t talk about yourselves, or your opinions on anything, EXCEPT for the intake process of your job. 90% of the time, you only write in negative terms.In short, you’re chronic whiners. And not the entertaining kind, either.

And writers, what the hell? I know you need to make up blog posts to keep people coming back, but some of you appear to be assuming that only other writers visit your blog, because roughly half of your posts are advice for writers. Well, begging your pardon, but why the hell does a potential reader care about this? It’s every bit as boring as constant spamming for sales, and it’s not worth reading after the first few weeks.

Both writers and editors need to appreciate how non-sticky their blogs are for readers, precisely because you’re turning into one-trick ponies.

Editors, why not start tossing in posts about your current projects?  Why not go one step further into your vast backgrounds of experience by writing some posts on basic grammar and punctuation? Or why not take a post to explain why the format standard is just so at your publisher? You have more to offer than the same advice about what not to do in a proposal.

Writers, for god’s sake, can you PLEASE offer something creative on your blog? I swear, some of you are just depressing for how dull your blogs are. In your books and stories, you write so well. And yet you make almost no effort to be creative with your blogs. Why? Do you really need to write yet another article on why self-publishing is bad? I mean, can’t you just write ONE article on the topic and pin it to the sidebar? You can post a series of writing advice columns and group the whole thing on a table of contents page. Then put the TOC link right under your pinned article for why self-publishing is bad. Done. Aaaand what else have you got that’s new?

Neither of you groups has to keep repeating yourself, handing out the same advice phrased differently. You can offer your advice once and have it always available from the sidebar. That’s what the sidebar is for anyway, accessing useful or frequently used documents.

You have GREAT advice, and I’m not knocking it or your writing styles. But you need to stop beating dead horses and find something else to keep me coming back to your blogs. Make them sticky by offering me some other reason to come back.

Editors, tell some amusing anecdotes about anonymous stalking and sulking writers, or drunken adventures at conventions, or…something! Give me some entertainment along with the education. Or else you’re just lecturing me in every other post. Even being polite, I have to say “fuck that.” Seriously.

Writers, take one day out of the week to do a ten to twenty minute creative writing exercise, and post that bad boy. Yes, for free. You spend all this time writing stuff for commissions, and you want to complain about tossing out a twenty minute freebie every once in a while to keep me coming to your blog? What else have you got to offer? More advice copied from the editors?

Again, it’s great advice, but we’ve all  fucking heard it before. Like five thousand fucking times now, SOMETIMES EVEN IN ALL CAPS because you think we’re moron. You’re writers, so fucking make something up to entertain me. If you can do that, I’ll turn around and buy your books. So think of it as an investment in the future.

Both writers and editors, please consider talking more about your passions. Not just your writing, but your hobbies. Talk about what music you like. Occasionally toss out a review for the TV show you love, or for the book you just finished that you can’t stop thinking about. You’ve got so much more to write about than just one topic, and yet many of the blogs I visit, it’s hard to tell. There’s nothing but advice and promos. And once I’ve read up on the backlog, I’ve got no reason to come back.

I don’t want to either, because you made the whole experience feel like a lecture. If my mom had a blog, do you think I’d tune in every week if all she wrote was, “Don’t slouch, and raise your head! Now take out the garbage and clean the dishes…”

Yakkity yak! I won’t come back!

And, that’s bad, people. If your blog is your “newsletter,” I have to be motivated to check back often. If I’m not motivated as a reader, then that is an epic marketing failure on your part.

It’s simple. Your blog isn’t just a marketing platform or a lecturing soapbox. It’s another entertainment outlet that you need to fill with compelling content. You can sticky your excellent advice and make it always available. Or you can group it under a tag like, say Advice from an Asshole. But once you’ve covered the basics, make up something else.

Isn’t that what you do for a living anyway?